How is it that tomorrow we will already be half way through my favorite month of the entire year? Even though there are 31 days in October - it flies by like no other month. Each year, I think to myself how much I love October and then it's gone before I even realize it was here. The nature of things, I suppose.
So far, we've had unseasonably cool and wet weather around these parts. (Never mind today which was 90 degrees with about as much humidity.) But overall, we've had a fair amount of chances to wear sweaters, leggings, and cozy socks. I'm such a girl when I say this -- but I've LOVED dressing Beatrix up in cute little layered outfits. Bundled up babies are the cutest! Bea's grand dad thought so too!
Our drought over the last couple of years has been so severe that even with nine inches of rain in this month already, the lake levels have risen only one foot. The ground is gulping up nearly every bit of the rain that falls.
So far this month, I've celebrated my journey around the sun one more time. Cupcakes, breakfast at the Driskoll Hotel, and a new lens. I'm such a content girl.
Beatrix is full of new developments since I visited last. There are two bottom teeth making themselves at home in her mouth. She is doing the army crawl all over the house and is babbling constantly. She's gaining a healthy respect for table food and might even have a fondness for sweet potatoes. Picky eater on my hands? Perhaps.
At around five months, we packed up her hammock (sniff, sniff) and transitioned her to a floor bed. Then soon after, we moved her floor bed into our second bedroom due to some late night partying that Byron and I were too lame to enjoy. So now, she really is such a big girl. I think she really loves her new room. Generally, she plays with her few toys and books and makes funny faces at herself in the mirror until she is ready to go to sleep. And now that she's moving around, we find her in so many corners pursuing it all - especially Sandy and the elusive Blackie. Mostly, they humor her, cut her a break since she is still noticeably slower moving, and let her grab away without complaining.
I'm glad she has the ability to explore her environment independently and at her own will. I find it fascinating to watch her move. It's so much fun to see her intent develop - to observe exactly what strikes her curiosity.
Honestly though, I've been thinking about why I've been so quiet on the blog. Now that I'm working, I have to admit to having some feelings of regret and guilt. It has been an eye opening experience -- working while parenting. And although the little dream program is going great, there are some days when I fear that I will regret not spending more one on one time with Beatrix. There are few slow mornings or quiet walks. Many days feel rushed. Rushed to wake up, to get out the door, to prepare the environment, to give lessons, to clean up, to get home so that Bea can squeeze in a good afternoon nap, to tidy up the house, to make phone calls to parents, to make phone calls for our own personal business type stuff, to eat, bathe, and get to bed. I struggle very hard to slow this life down. To enjoy and to savor. And to appreciate all the goodness that is bestowed upon us.
Because in the end, I'm so grateful that at least Beatrix is with me all day long no matter how busy I am. At least, unlike many parents out there -- including my own mother who was single raising six children - alone, I get to come home by the early afternoon. I know my position is one of privilege to many folks out there. And I feel weak for ever thinking otherwise and for ever feeling regretful.
Life is so unpredictable and so much fun. Last year at this time, Byron and I were just beginning to pursue adoption. It was still just the two of us - and Blackie and Sandy. I was on hiatus from teaching, and we had no idea what was in store for us or how our lives would be blessed by the time my next birthday arrived. I remember feeling lost at times - just wondering when and how it would all unfold. I remember feeling so tired on not being able to plan or move forward. And then we did. These days, life is very full and purposeful. As it should be.
