Let's just skip the small talk, shall we?
I think of writing all the time. In fact, I need to write. I get so grumpy when there are no words to spew out.
I'll start out by saying that I'm paddling my way through middle age. Realizing how much I have already accomplished but also faced with the stark reality that it is all finite. A couple of months ago, I listened to Brene Brown's The Power of Vulnerability and then listened again last month as a friend of mine and I took a road trip to New Mexico. It's an incredibly great listen as I ponder, "now what?" There is no shame in ordinary. No, not at all. But what to do with the nagging feeling of wanting to soar. I have no answers, but I'm working on being kind to myself as I paddle upstream through the river of unknown -- all while feeling a bit tired and out of shape.
Without overthinking it all, these last few years have really been a time of grabbing hold of and embracing the simple life I knew my entire being needed. And though I enjoy gardening and working with my hands, doing homestead type chores and whatnot, that doesn't encompass the entirety of the simple life that I need. I need quiet. A lot of quiet. I need space. And sky. I need a moment to gaze toward the east each and every morning. I need to feel small (even though our existence is so BIG). And to breathe. Simple, right?
So, life has been good this summer. I've had the chance to read and listen to a couple of really nice books. I'm working on some fundamental goals for myself such as remembering with more intention to be kind to myself. For shooing away feelings of judgement or guilt at being unemployed for the first time since I was about 14. It's quite a challenge to quieten that pesky , "now what are you going to do" voice.
To that voice, I say. I don't know. Love my people. Love my life. Do my best in the here and now. Notice beauty. Be kind. Be brave. Know that I'm enough.
Opportunities will pop up. I'll put myself out there bit by bit. I'll live my days with my daughter and husband. I'll sip my coffee as the sun rises over the treeline. And I'll count my blessings.
There will be fairytales and horses and gardens and tall grasses and wildflowers and sunrises and walks around the neighborhood and sweet doggy kisses, and belly tickles and giggles. I'll find my way. No, rather, the way and I will find each other.
If you are interested, here are a few bits and pieces of goodness I've enjoyed over the past few months that have inspired me or helped to untangle those eye-opening mid-life knots.
Alicia's recent post (especially the last paragraph) was really beautiful. A perfect example of how the ordinary life is indeed, so very, very magical and precious. And yes, children's music chokes me up too!
I listened to this Pema Chodron talk on a road trip from Louisiana back to Texas. At the beginning of the talk, she said (paraphrasing) "We know two things are certain in life: 1) we are all going to die. 2) we don't know when." Gulp. Good stuff. Really, really worthy of a listen.
Jillian, the creator of The Noisy Plume knocks me out my chair with her writing and photography. She's wild and wondrous!
Sufjan Stevens -- a friend of mine peer pressured Byron and I into seeing him in concert. We are huge uncool introverts, so we really wanted to stay home. We didn't. His show was unforgettable. I'm now a big ole huge geeky fan and I just might jump at the chance to see him live the next time he is in town. And I couldn't figure out how to insert just one track. So go right ahead and enjoy 11!