I stop blogging when my world is full of questions. I get all antsy and nervous. I spend way too much time on pinterest. For the most part, I stop taking pictures with my real camera (yes, I did manage to capture one of many gorgeous sunsets we've been having lately). And I'm sorry, but in my opinion, my Iphone pictures stink most of the time.
Bleh....
But I just did it. I sent the notice to my families at The Natural Child that I will be closing the Austin location. Yikes, I've hemmed and hawed over the decision for this entire school year. I've spent way too much time thinking about what to do. About my options. Feeling guilty, so guilty about it all. Wondering if I'm throwing a really good thing down the tube. Fearful that doing something different would screw my daughter up. Gah...It's silly. Of course, everything will be fine. It has to be.
The truth of the matter is that it just doesn't seem right to commute a hour into town during rush hour in the morning. The income I bring in is very humble and with gas prices going up, a sizable portion of it goes to filling up the tank of my economy hatchback...not to mention the plain and simple quality of life issue. Sustainable, it is not.
What next?
Well, I need to bring in a little money to help take us over the hump of scraping by the skin of our teeth on one income. For the next few years (at least until Beatrix becomes school age), I hope to continue to have a program similar to The Natural Child here at home. I think it could be quite lovely. We'll have plenty of space to garden. I can fulfill my pinterest dreams of having a wonderfully fun and muddy outdoor learning environment for the littles. We've got chickens and eggs that need to be collected daily, birds galore, and decent amount of space to play and learn.
And if I can't have a big family of my own, helping to raise others is the next best thing, I suppose.
In the past, I've worried whether or not Beatrix would be okay having others in her own home, sharing one more part of her life with others. But not so much anymore. This girl is morphing into one serious social butterfly. Very unlike her mother in that regard...I have a feeling she'll be on the front porch in her self professed role of eager greeter.
Once Beatrix becomes school age, we may send her to the local Montessori school. It's a really sweet, beautiful community. I'd be happy for her if she could attend. It's country and farmy, yet progressive and groovy all at once. Otherwise, I may continue to homeschool her while offering a homeschool hybrid option to other homeschooling families.
Who knows? In the midst of all of these changes/options/choices, there's also the wonderful chance we may become parents to another child at some point in our future through adoption. Though nothing would bring us more joy, we have no idea if this is certain. And we have no idea when this would be. Perhaps within the next two years - perhaps not. Perhaps we make peace with the very likely possiblity that we remain a family of three.
Somedays it's quite easy for me to imagine that I am nothing but a small particle of dust in this vast universe. Just floating and drifting.
well done for biting the bullet and deciding. i a m much like you in that i move away form my blog when there are things bothering me. Like my heart is full and i cant think of a way to write it all down. I too have a long way to travel, when i am taking dd1 to school. I do it because in terms of connection with her it is the right thing to do. she goes to the school that i work in 3 days a week and this way it is always me who takes her and picks her up, not a childminder.
i hope that you will find time now to become truely excited about the wonderful decisions you have made!
caroline
Posted by: caroline | February 25, 2012 at 01:13 AM
congrats, nichole, on making such a big decision for yourself & your family! i'm cheering you on & knowing all good things await!
Posted by: sarah | February 25, 2012 at 08:04 AM
Nichole, I just this past week, resigned from my position with my main client. It was so hard, as I enjoy the work, and had a lot of doubt about what was right. Would I regret it in a year when Elsa is older and life gets easier? But then I thought about how ridiculous that is. To "just survive" through a baby's first year is a depressing thought.
This parenting/working/living thing is full of trade-offs, but it sounds to me like you have made the necessary, if difficult, decision to simplify. Congratulations! You are a brave lady!
Posted by: Miranda Makes | February 25, 2012 at 08:38 AM
I'm happy for you to ditch the commuting. That's a lot of time in the car. I really think you'll be able to offer a wonderful program in your home as well. You have such a caring spirit Nichole.... I have no doubt you will be able to find a few lucky families that will have their children spend their days with you & B.
Best of luck in your new endeavors.
xo
stephinie
Posted by: Stephinie | February 25, 2012 at 09:15 AM
Wow! Congratulations to you on making some big important decisions. It sounds like you could create a beautiful program at home for sure. Best of luck- in all regards.
Posted by: amanda(sweetpotatoclaire) | February 25, 2012 at 10:27 PM
I know how hard those kind of decisions are -- I made a similar one myself just over a year ago. Best decision ever, for me.
The ideas you have for your school at your home sounds wonderful. Wish our girls could play together...
Posted by: Evergreen | February 27, 2012 at 12:13 AM
Nichole, it sounds like such a great plan you've got going there! It sounds absolutely wonderful. I'm sure it will work out, I think Bea will love having new little friends to play with.
Posted by: mamaUK | February 28, 2012 at 06:18 AM
wow....what a post. thank you so much for sharing with us.
I think it sounds like you are following your heart and that is the best thing. I bet in no time at all you will be relieved in seeing that you have made the very best choices for you and your family.
My oldest is also very social. She LOVES school. She would not thrive as much in a homeschool situation- even though I have thought about it many times. I am always happy on her days off, the weekends and vacations. She is always eager to get back to school. ; )
Your little family is so sweet. Enjoy every minute of it...I know you do.
XO
Posted by: Cordelia | February 29, 2012 at 02:09 PM