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February 29, 2012



this is beautiful.....


I teared up reading this, because I am having such similar struggles lately deciding whether to have a second child. I know exactly what you mean about feeling that your family is beautiful and complete...but then I see those tiny baby clothes, or I see pictures of friend's newborns on Facebook, or think about regrets I have about how I did certain things with Jack and feel like I want to do it over one more time now that I know so much more than I did then, or think about how that baby part of being a mommy will be over forever...but then I think about what is right for ME and OUR family, and sometimes I truly think that is a family of 3. I also get those sad and anxious feelings that people don't see me as really a mommy because I only have one, and that is so, so painful because truly my son is my whole world and being a mother is all I've ever wanted. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and struggles...I hope we both find peace with whatever decision we make.

Janine Hardy

Beautifully words, beautifully put xxx


Such a lovely post. I struggle with whether to have a second child too, when my one is more than I could ever ever have imagined. I have nominated you for a Liebster award http://sparklingbay.blogspot.com/2012/03/spreading-liebster-love.html


Nichole your writing here is just beautiful and so heartfelt, what you wrote about 'all nests become empty. It's the nature of things' is so true, so simple. I know I will struggle when the time comes but I need to accept it, it's the way life is.
Thank you for the link!
I think I will buy the book!


Beautiful words, Nichole. Truly. I just finished re-reading that book last night and today I've read two posts about it. Moments like that make me feel a flash of connectedness. But then my thoughts are pulled back here to this dim room with my sleeping boy and I feel the truth of those words - "no matter how much...".


I still haven't read Momma Zen~ definitely will soon though. It's been on my list for a while and I loved Karen Miller's book Hand Wash Cold.

So much focus on delighting in what we are already surrounded by and what we have already created for ourselves....... Our actual lives as opposed to the ones we live in our heads...... (and we all know that the ones that live in our heads certainly aren't guaranteed to turn out pretty if they come to be!) I too go back and forth about whether I'd like our little family to hold at three or to one day grow. For now, like you said, it's pretty good. Beautiful, blessed, complete. Nothing screams "incomplete!", anyway.

It's funny, I've never thought that perhaps I am perceived somehow less of a mother to the world because I've only got one child. I mean, think about it- ONLY one child? We all know how much that one little child takes up! Time-wise, emotionally, etc. You are absolutely a mother, my dear. And a damn good one, I'm sure. Even if we've never actually met.

thanks for linking up with me~ have a lovely weekend!

Miranda Makes

Beautiful post, Nichole. Thank you for sharing this with us. I can't stop thinking about whether I will stop at two (three if you include my stepson). I always thought I wanted a 'big family', though I don't know exactly how many children constitutes 'big'. What I didn't realize is just how hard the baby stage is and I wonder whether I'd be a better mother if we stopped here and I concentrated on these two beautiful girls I already have, if I didn't throw another year and a half of grumpy overwhelmed Mama into their childhoods. I guess whatever we decide, we may never be completely sure. I dunno. This motherhood thing sure is tricky.

Nikole Sarvay

I'm reading into your archives this morning, and I wanted to thank you for your beautiful words and for sharing your heart. I especially relate to this post - to mourning the passing of infancy - and even toddlerhood - as my little girl turns four. While our paths have been different (I did carry my daughter, but I had 5 miscarriages before her, a complicated and terrifying pregnancy, serious post-partum depression, and have since been diagnosed with a bleeding disorder, as well as how challenging motherhood has been for me) I'm trying to sort out all of the emotions in my heart about whether we should even try to have another. To my heart, your words ring so true. Thank you. You've got another post for my own space brewing in my brain.


I really needed to see this. I stumbled across your blog for the first time today. I had my daughter, now 2, after two failed adoptions and lots of fertility drugs. I have been struggling with wanting to have another baby because all my friends with kids my daughter's age are having babies again. I struggle with wanting her to have a sibling but not wanting to go through fertility treatments again. What if it fails any ways. Or what if we have triplets?! This post brought me to tears. Thank you for this. I look forward to reading this book you mention and also to continue reading your beautiful blog. It is nice to know that someone else understands the ache of raising an only child.


I think one of the hardest aspects of this journey is feeling alone. For me there are so few peers who have this particular struggle. Not a day goes by where my heart does not ache with the thought of not having more children. It's a hard journey but one I would not trade. Infertility has helped to shape me into a more compassionate, grateful, and gentle human being. Hugs to you.


I've been reading your blog for many months now (and have tried to leave comments but something always seems to go awry!) and just wanted to say that this is a lovely and inspiring post. Thanks for sharing!

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