When?

For the second night in a row, Beatrix fell asleep with a picture book in her lap and a flashlight in her hand. When did she turn into such a big kid? The other day, as we were driving around in the car, I was having yet another big conversation with her. I can't remember what it was about, but we were talking and we were listening to one another, and for an instant, I thought to myself that in a few years, I'll be the mother to a big kid, for reals, all the time. Big sigh. 

There's so much to ponder in those thoughts. There's so much of her that makes up me now. And there's a part of me that feels the panic of  those inevitable  'what next' thoughts.  The 'who I am beyond mother?' kinds of thoughts. I'm not sure I'm ready to move on to anything but this: our young, sweet family.  But such is life. Ready or not, there's no avoiding. 

It's fun to watch her grow. She's amazing and witty and hilarious and way too old for her age and so smart it's scary. I mostly love this stage with her, that is, when my brain is not busy out thinking her negotiating ways....She talks non-stop. She pretends non-stop. This afternoon, the pretend theme was library visit. She designated me as librarian, she as mama, and Dolly (yes, of course, Dolly) as baby. She and her baby met with the librarian, asked if it was story time.  Her baby napped in the stroller. Then mama and baby eventually had lunch at the library cafe. Dolly, naturally, wanted chocolate milk for lunch. And Beatrix (mama) naturally wanted a turkey pesto panini. As you can imagine, there's a whole lot more that went on between these major points of interest, but honestly I can't remember everything as I was busy in the kitchen cooking dinner. 

Off topic: I've taken so few pictures this summer. Beatrix is in the "no pictures, mama" phase. When I put the camera to my eye, she either runs, turns her head the other way, or makes her monster face (see below). How sad is that??  

And yes, that's a mosquito on her temple. I didn't see it when I took the picture, but it's driving me nuts now looking at it in the picture. Bea is a major mosquito magnet. Poor child. 

Comments

[Monica]

it's natural for mamas to project forward and imagine their child older.. my thoughts are always whether we'll still be as close as we are now.
i do try to let those thoughts go, because i lose what is happening right now.

my girl also makes monster faces, it takes a few shots to get the non-monster. :)

[ladycordelia]

I very much get it too. I think most mamas do.
I am very much in a stage where I am actually missing more time to myself. My girls are 4 and 6. Finally, I am feeling a little exhaustion of full-time mothering. ; )

We have a yummy coconut lotion with coffee extract (!) that keeps the skeeters away. xo

[playmobil]

It is very special to witness how your kid grow and develop their goals in life. I think you should always guide them to be a better person someday.