Sometimes, I click into my flickr account and I'm struck with disbelief and awe that this is my life that I get to document. I don't mean this statement in a pompous or self-righteous way, just in a grateful and humble one. You see, I didn't have a childhood of sunflowers and gardens. I've come a long way from the poor, little girl in rural Louisiana, journaling away in five subject notebooks. There, I dreamed with my back against the foot of the bottom bunk bed that I shared with my younger brother, and my feet propped up onto the windowsill. Lanky, uncertain, and awkward, I had a whole soul's worth of curiosity and wonder-lust. And I was hungry for a connection to a life that resonnated with me.  

Now, here I am. That childhood dream I had of sunflowers came true. And so did so many of the quiet, sleeping ones I never knew rested within me. Really, can this, these moments, this life, be real? Are they mine? It's hard to tell at times.  

Let's be real. None of the good stuff could be appreciated, noticed, or captured if it weren't for the gunk that comes attached to it. We are so full of grumpiness, sarcasm, exhaustion, and every other hard feeling that every other family deals with. But in between all that hardness - and I like to hope that the "between" part makes up a nice, lofty, buffer zone, there's a dream being lived out in our little land. 

Life is so strange. So full of hurt and fleetingness. Aching with an overflow of treausreable moments one can never truly contain, like raindrops sliding down a windowsill. Dreams of youth, the realities of mid - life, the yearnings of what never became and the absorbtion of everything real, here and now. Like these photos of our lives - this simple space where we spend our days. Of my dearest, sweet daughter. Of my ever-devoted, kind and good husband. 

This one life is a beautiful one and I must always remember to savor it all. 

Comments

[Rachel]

What a gorgeous post! I can very much relate. I love that you talk about the hardness that inevitably contributes to our lives and the appreciation of the loveliness.

I adore your sunflowery garden and Bea is simply beautiful. I'm so thankful that you share snippets of your life and thoughts :)

[Olivia]

Amen. These words resonated with me this morning, Nichole. You are truly, in every way, blessed.

[amanda (sweetpotatoclaire)]

everything about this is beautiful. I love these photo-collage images you are putting in your posts, and my gosh your words here are just so beautifully strung together, I just want to read them over and over. I especially like your description of the 'lofty buffer zone' and the effort to collect and store away all of those treasurable moments as some inevitably slip past like raindrops down a windowsill...... ahhhhhh, sweet stuff my friend! I tried to comment on the last post but something went amiss (user error I'm sure), but I'd said something about how I wanted to be sitting with you drinking that iced coffee while we watched the girls play in the little blue pool and act like 3 and 4 year olds. On a whim I google-mapped (totally using that as a verb) from me to you and.... well.... um, it's about 1150 or so miles. give or take. so, there's that.
xo

[Nichole]

Thank you Rachel. I'm glad this post meant something to you! :) Thank you for taking the time to visit.

[Nichole]

Thank you Olivia. I know you get it all! Hugs to you and your beautiful family!

[Nichole]

Do you like the little collage bits?? I figured out a easy way to do via Ribbet. It's fun. I needed a little something different! Your comment has me blushing, though!! You don't know how hard it is to click "publish" sometimes. Actually, while I was in bed last night, I almost got up to delete it even after I'd hit "publish". Eeek...

I love that you google mapped the distance between us. One day, my friend, we ARE going sip something or another together...And our girls are going to like each other! :)

[Rach]

God I just ove love love the images and words, There's areal sense of nostalgia for the present in all your posts. We all need more of that in our lives.

[amy jane]

Your writing is so beautiful. And your sunflowers are dreamy!

[Stephinie]

Oh I so very much loved this..... xo~