Longings

Sometimes, I let the longing into my heart. Do you know that feeling? The one that aches....yearns. The one responsible for the audible sighs at times when the person next to you might be wondering if they did something to perturb you. No. It was just me, letting my thoughts slip away into my daydreams. 

My daydreams of space and quiet and rhythm and natural abundance. Of green. And breezes. Of dappling light filtered by thick deciduous forest. Of tall grasses and open windows. Cycles. Seasons. Reins and barns. The smell of fresh hay.  Blooms -- each taking their turn. The rainbow working its way backward. Purple and blues in the tender, sweet spring. Yellow, oranges, and red in the heat of summer. And then those warm hues blanketing us all for a just snap again come autumn. Chores. Laundry on the line. A woodstove and it's wood pile. Wool blankets and books. Tea and coffee. Soup and French bread. Candlelight and family. Bedtime stories. Magic. Secrets. Fleeting childhood. 

Yes, sometimes I dream of a time and place that is not here. A life of long ago. It doesn't help that I've been reimmersed (this time through audiobooks) to Laura Ingalls' Little House novels and my own little nightyly addiction of Lark Rise to Candleford. Oh, some of us are always searching for simpler times, I suppose. Yet, those times were anything but simple. Maybe fewer options: feast vs. famine, health vs. sickness, rich vs. poor, etc. I must believe that life is  hard and trying and beautiful and touching no matter  time and place. 

When I'm immersed in my own little humble homestead, surrounded by distractions - noise, traffic, blighted lots all around, I find peace in my outdoor nooks.  Little seeds planted over the seasons since we've moved here slowly sprout and thrive. There's so much more work to be done. Native grasses to sow, garden beds to expand upon, climbing roses to train up the fence and arbor. Rain barrels. And more trees. Slowly, it comes. But right now, there are tufts and tufts of poppies itching to burst into bloom, irises growing so tall and blooming so boldly. Thyme, oregano, and lavender anchoring it all! Sunflowers growing everywhere. Baby fruit trees sprouting their first green leaves. Poulets and hens pecking and scratching and both sets looking so healthy and content. Native perrenials coming back to life after a long winter.  Bees arriving next month!! 

Ah....I may not live in my daydreams. There is no cabin in the woods. Or English garden. Or log cabin on the prairie. Or woodstove in the winter. There is us.  There is our little house. There is our little lawn. Our hands. Some seeds. And a lot of try. To make our days, our place in this world, just a little more beautiful and a little more interesting.  

Comments

[Lillian]

SO SO SO with you on the longing, especially for simpler things and nature!

[arianne]

This is one of my favorite posts you've ever done. Maybe just because I relate to it so much. You really are a kindred spirit. Your little life is so lovely. Thank you for the little taste of your world. It always feels like a fresh breeze.

[nora freeman]

I've been (ardently) enjoying your blog for about a year now...maybe commenting only now since this post resonated with me so ringingly, as it seems to have with others, too. I imagine it feels somewhat vulnerable, to share your longings. But it's so appreciated. It is such a breath of relief from the image-consciousness and materialism of other bloggers, you express things beautifully, and what you value is so golden. It is heartening to know that others are also on the path of nurturing simple wholeness and pleasure, when so much is obstinately cheap and ugly. Thank you for sharing with your disembodied, but grateful and earnest audience.

[Nichole]

Hi Lillian! Great to see your comment here! I feel as though the older I get, the more nature I need!

[Nichole]

Arianne, your words are always so beautiful and poetic, so I'm so humbled that you take the time to stop by Live Free! :) Thank you so much for the love. It means the world to me.

[Nichole]

Nora, your comment struck me so deeply. Thank you. I'm always humbled by my quiet readers who chime in every now and then. It seems most of you are as soft spoken as I am! As I've gotten older, I've shielded myself in lots of ways from the rest of the world. Yes, I'm a part of this modern world, but it's very important that my filter stays strong. Just as a young child does, I need lots of time at home in free play/work! :) We are not so different from our beginnings, I suppose.

[Rach]

It really seems to me that you are creating the spirit of what you long for. And you know there is nothing better. English gardens? Unuseable for most of the year and TINY by Texan standards. Everything is a fantasy - you are living the dream. You make your world look stunning.

[jenny newell]

your longings are very beautiful. i do know those feelings. my longings are also for simplicity, but in almost an opposite way. i accidentally ended up on a farm, surrounded by forest and river, in a very old farm house. now, don't get me wrong... i LOVE this land... and i embrace it... but sometimes... it can feel like a lot of work. sometimes... i long for the feeling of a new house... one that doesn't constantly need repair. we are ripping out part of our house right now, because there was yet another leak. so i have been feeling the new house longing a bit lately, but your post does bring it in to perspective for me. all i need to do is venture out in the forest and i am brought back to why this place is so worth the work. thank you for changing my perspective today.

[amanda]

that yellow iris, that first photo of the wooden fence, and of course sweet, sweet Bea~ a big and most certainly audible sigh. thanks for taking us along on the tour with these gorgeous photos and words. LOVE the imagery of the "rainbow working backwards". LOVE.
xo

[Nichole]

Thank you Rach for the reminder. It's as simple as the adage, yes? The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. What's real is the here and now and what we decide to do with it. :)

[Nichole]

Jenny, your life looks so beautiful. your farm, those hills, all that space! but yes, whoever said the simple life was simple! ?we live in town on just a quarter acre, but we are constantly busy around the home. sometimes we joke that we'd love to be lazy for just an hour or two. (and maybe we do squeeze those hours in here and there). still, i'd rather keep busy at home than be out and about shopping and dealing with traffic.

[Nichole]

you are welcome! thank you for visiting! xo, nichole

[ladycordelia]

What a lovely post. And I see also, you haven't been around here in while- it's an older post.
But, I wanted to share that I do get it and it's refreshing to hear someone else say it.
Pasture dreams, simpler times, milking the cow, just being home and raising kids and not having to have a two-income family. ; )
But...again..SO MUCH to be here now too...and I love my life, as I know you love yours.
Always so nice to visit here.
XO

[Gwendolen]

Things are full and busy over here and so I don't get to check in with my favorite blogs too often, but whenever I come to your space I feel blessed to have done so. Beautiful, as always. xo

[Nichole]

Aw...you are so sweet. I feel the same about barn raising. Some many of my favorite bloggers have slowed down with their postings which part of me misses, but it does make their postings all the more special. yes? almost like getting a letter in the mail. :)

[Nichole]

thank you cory! there is definitely a fine balance to it all. and worth the teetering and hard work when find the sweet spot.