On Showing Up.

 

 "When the student is willing, the teacher appears, spiritual sages tell us.  Another way to put it is that when we are willing to be taught, we become teachable.  We always move ahead in our art when we open our heart to willingness. In order to do something well, we must first be willing to do it badly.  We must have the humility to be once again a beginner, to admit what we don't know and admit that we wish to know more." 

                                                                                 Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way Everday: A Year of Creative Living

I want to try to start showing up here more.  Many days, I think about coming to this blog, but I don't actually do it. I tell myself that my thoughts are too unorganized and that I don't have the mental energy to make sense of them through writing, or at least, writing that is fit for other's to read. That it's too late in the evening. That I need to go to bed. That if I plan to rise early, I'll inevitably wake her too. That I'm out of practice. That I struggle with which to share here. And all of those reasons are truthful. I do.  They are. I am.  

But still....wanting to write it, this life, these happenings, down is a cathartic release, even if it is just part of my story.   Most often, difficult in the moment, but necessary. It feels good show up. 

I want to write about some new projects on the burner. How I pulled up 90% of my garden weeks ago.  How we still dream of a little chunk of land somewhere in the mountains. How honored I am to be my girl's mother. That she is learning to knit and to read and goes to sleep at night only after she's done a bit of both.  How much I am enjoying tuning into her, homeschooling, and getting a  second chance at childhood. That second childhood is a big one! 

Equal parts determined, pushy, passive, frustrated, and calm, I struggle to find the peaceful path that is mine and mine alone.  Comparing myself to no one, yet knowing when to ease up and put force on the accelerator that drives me.  

 

Comments

[mindy]

This, this is what I too have said about homeschooling my children. A second chance at childhood...spending my days doing the things with them that I wish i could have done myself as a child. So healing. And also, the part about dreaming of a new place to live, or at least be for regular periods of time... I can relate to this as well. As much as I fear sometimes that its just my wandering soul, I have to believe that when I actually get to that place in the world I'm meant to be, I'll feel a sense of belonging. To the land, the people, the traditions. Hopefully?
I would love to read more of your musings! You write beautifully :)

[Sarah]

I like when you show up. It's ok when you don't of course, but I'm every so happy to see your images, read your words, & learn from you always.

[miri]

I am here just to say how grateful I am for your showing up here!!! Most often your words sound so deeply familiar. I am mooved by your words as leaves mooving gently by a soft wind. It feels being at home. Not surprisingly, through all these years, I feel your path has quite a significant part in my own journey. I hope that is alright to share it with you. Your writing makes distances dissappear. I even imagine our children ran in the fields together. Thank you so much for being you...
PS so sorry for my language. I hope I've managed to describe my deepest appreciation. ..

[amanda]

I love imagining your home now as a place for the three of you to exhale and get into a rhythm all your own...... enjoy!
xo from nc

[Ruth]

Sarah and Miri say it all. Your photography has really become a language, too. I spend a lot of my energy in paying attention to my husband's creativity, so when those quiet alone hours come along I panic that I don't know how to be creative myself. I wonder if it's the same with raising a child and focusing on their development? Of course, when I get some courage and start my own project or re-visit one, I get lost in it and feel wonderful. Life.Is.So.WonderfullyStrange.

[Margaret]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful photos and life with us! I see that you are maybe homeschool planning? Could you list the books in the photo above please? :)

[Chantall]

So beautiful space that I'm pleased to discovered today... Beautiful photos !