Hello lovelies. Gosh, it's been a long time. I'm writing from the Days of Corona, of course. My family and much of the world has now been quarantined for nearly two months. It's been scary and worrisome. It feels like so much of the existence we have been accustomed to is spiraling out, and away, from our control. People are suffering in many ways. There's no way to know when things will return to normal or what the new normal will look like. I do hope it is a more gentle, kind, and earth appreciating normal.
I'm trying to ride the wave of unknowing by practicing being present here, at home, with myself.
My family is safe and healthy. I am immensely grateful that our basic needs are met today and, most likely, for the near future. And that, for reasons both explainable and not, we get to shelter in place in a place that truly feeds the soul with the deepest sense of connection. Yet, I cannot see into the future. There is no certainty for another day like today. Ever.
I'm trying to sit into that idea. And it's not as if I haven't "tried" to do that before. I mean, I realize the fragility and fleetingness of life. I often wonder: How would I survive? How would I thrive if I didn't have x, y, and z? Could I do it? Could I manage the stress and anxiety and not let it overwhelm and override my spirit? I do stew over such thoughts a great deal. I wonder how my mother did it. I wonder how my great grandparents survived the Great Depression. I think back to the stories my grandparents swore by. That they were poor, but they were happy. They had no monetary wealth but they were rich in love. Could I be so resilient? Could I be so wise? I so very much aspire to be. Has middle class existence weakened my tenacity?
And so, admittedly, this quarantine has done me lots of good. At the beginning of shelter in place, there was an adjustment to this new way of being home. Our lives shifted suddenly. From busy days of school, work, and after school activities, to nothing. I floated in a daze of anxiety and confusion for a few weeks. Unable to do much more than scroll the news feeds.
Now, several weeks later, we are largely settled in to the new normal and I can clearly see the deep need for this time together. I am relishing the pause. My body, my heart, my spirit needed this time. And though I wish everyone had the opportunity I am having, I am conscious that feeling guilty is not the same as feeling love. I won't feel guilty for having the time to sit at my window and watch the birds at my feeder. I will not feel guilty for time walking around the woods, discovering beautiful plants I'd yet to have the time to meet. I will not feel guilty for baking bread for my family. Or for gardening or sewing or writing letters to friends afar, or taking daily nature walks with my husband. I will instead, live my life with gratitude and appreciation for the simple beauties. I will lovingly wash my family's beautiful hodge podge collection of plates and bowls. I will raise the windows and let the warm breeze percolate through our home. I will listen to the chorus of birdsong as I hang a load of clean towels, t'shirts, and dresses to dry in the fresh, sunny air. I will delight in every request for hugs and kisses from my 11 year old. I will mop the floors to my home weekly and marvel at the deep satisfaction of walking barefoot on these well cared for surfaces.
And I guess that's the gist of it.
This pause has allowed me to tend and grow my love for the people and the world immediately surrounding me in a way that wasn't possible pre-pandemic. And for that, my heart sings with praise for the opportunity. Thank you that this is the life I get to live. May I never take it for granted. May I continue to see and appreciate the small beauties that make up this magnificent world.
