Live Free

Yes, very thankful.

We have so much to be thankful for. Health and family. Love. A warm home. Nourishing meals. Hot tea. Coffee. Safety. The pursuit of happiness. Sometimes, when I let my mind wonder towards the myriad of ways in which humans suffer in grief, here, and everywhere, I could just about fold over in fear and nausea, wondering when my time will come.  

Why is it that I'm the lucky one, sitting here, on what seems to be the top of the world?  

When my mind wonders to this corner of my innermost thoughts, I run like mad, to my garden, to my duties in the kitchen, to a snuggle with my girl -- to something that keeps me busy. Because it is too scary to dwell upon the  fleetingness of this life. 

So yes, Thanksgiving was nothing but great. A sweet string of days with Byron's parents. A Macy's Thanksgiving parade, a home wafting in the scents and flavors of the season, a blustery walk around our favorite nature preserve, golden grasses at twilight, a flock of bluebirds. And on the Friday after, there was the multigenerational coup de main in the backyard. We are nearly spiffy in that department thanks to my in-laws. Followed by the lighting of our town square. Very sweet, very All-American, and always a tad bit cheesy. Hallmarky. So fun though, bumping into families we know and letting the kids play and hug all amongst the lit up town sqare and carolers singing on the courthouse steps as the backdrop. 

Very thankful, indeed, for every bit of it.  

cowgirl.

I followed my mother's attitude towards Halloween this year when Bea said she wanted to be a cowgirl. Yes! No costume making! We had all the essential components, for Bea dresses like a cowgirl nearly every day! As a child, I remember my mom frequently encouraging me to be a "hobo" because well, that was a costume we could put together with whatever we had in our closet. Nothing to buy and nothing to make!

Maybe that's why I've never been one to get excited about Halloween. To dress up. Make costumes. Indulge in the fantastical. So practical minded, I am.  

Anyhoo, I try to enjoy it "for the kid's sake." And I do. I look forward to trick or treating with her each year.  This year, we went down to our mainstreet. Lined with gracious oak and pecan trees and century old Craftsman and Victorian houses, the folks who live here really do it up in the decorations department. It's the street to walk, so it seems, on Halloween night. Gobs of kiddos and their parents, tweens, and beyond walked up and down the sidewalks hitting every house on the drag.

Yet something was amiss. When we finally made it to mainstreet, Bea got quiet and needed a little encouragement to follow the stream of children as they flowed from one porch to the next. I gathered that Bea felt a general sense of overwhelm when she confided that she "thought it would be different - less people, mama" and "I'm feeling kind of scared by all of the costumes." Soon after, when Byron and I could gage that this really wasn't her scene (nor ours), we turned the corner and walked home through the town square back to our hood which was decidedly much quieter. Much more old school Halloweenish. Back to the houses which were familiar, but not quite, because we were out past dark, and it's Halloween night.

After a little more encouraging by us, she knocked on several neighbors' doors. Some of which we already knew, and some we didn't. I suppose, it takes a certain amount of courage to be four years old on Halloween night. There's a particular wonder and mystery in walking up to the front door of a dimly lit house. The quiet night sky, the anticipation, and the lapse of time between her fist's muffled knock and the turn of the knob that leads to the door opening. Who will open the door? What will their expression be? What will they say? 

I think in my girl's romantic heart, it was this familiar yet strangley different experience that she was craving and could not find in the crowded, over the top experience of mainstreet. This was the magic she believed existed. 

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Once we made it home that night, she was allowed one candy from the evening. She chose a peanut butter cup and as she ate it, she had this to say: "Oh mama, I'm savoring every last bit of this." 

 

instagram photos, a few others, and Mother's Day

Hello ~ just popping in to post some instagram photos from the recent days. There are a few non-instagramers in there too. As you can see, they are mostly all of plant life. A few little snapshots of homey stuff, sunshine and shadows, and of course, the little miss.

We (I) had a wonderful Mother's Day. Totally indulgent, restful, and rejuvinating.

On Friday, Byron helped me to do a little room switcheroo. That part of the weekend was not restful. The end product, however, now that I am enjoying! We made a project room out of one of our bedrooms and reconfigured Bea's bedroom! 

We spent the rest of the weekend with family who were in town visiting us. Two days full of great food and conversation and the joy of seeing cousins reunite and play together. All around good stuff!! 

And on Saturday night, Bea slept at the hotel with her grandparents. Which means, something very special happened on Sunday morning. Byron and I got to wake up slowly. We got to enjoy quiet cups of coffee. And listen to the bird singing. Just the birds singing. Nothing else. Byron even went out to fetch the Sunday NYT and we read the paper together. I got to read the travel section for the first time in so long. 

What an indulgence! It was amazing!  

I love being a mother more than anything and I love that little girl beyond meausere. You know that. But dang...everynow and then, and quiet morning feels so welcomed -- so welcomed.

 

I hope all you mamas out there had a lovely day.   

day 1 of 2013

 

We all woke up grumpy. Can you believe? That's not a nice way to start the new year. We figured the best way to restart the day was to ditch the to-do list (yes, even on New Year Day, we had one), and go outside. 

It was a blustery, cold, morning. We saw a flock of bluebirds, which was terribly beautiful. By the end of our walk, we all felt better and (mostly) ready to take on 2013. 

Time is the greatest gift. I'm here. We are here. All together.

I often wonder what it is I will remember about my life when I'm older.

I'm so afraid I will remember very little. Which is probably why I'm the crazy lady always snapping photos. Believe it or not, I want to slow down in that department, at least just a little bit. I want to try harder this year to just live in the moments, without the need to prove they happened.  

 

candlelight advent service

Tonight, the three of us walked down to the local university chapel to attend the annual candlelight advent service. It's a spectacular event, full of pipe organs, string instruments, biblical verses, carols, and a choir whose voices fill the chapel, and then some.

I was so happy that Beatrix was able to attend this year. Life is inevitably fuller than normal, these days. A three-year-old is a very good reminder of just how full. Between the moments of magic and awe, come the moments of break-down and crash. It's a hard thing to balance. And sometimes we can't and we just have to find a way to enjoy the ride. We could have skipped the performance, but I felt that of all the moments I want her to experience during this season, this was one of them. 

The truth of the matter was that we were all feeling tired and stretched, and could've just as easily stayed home. Yet by the end of the service, when the entire church stood in darkness and each of us, Beatrix included, had an opportunity to add our own individual light to the collective whole by simply lighting our candle from our neighbor beside us, I felt a rush of gratitude for the opportunity to stand, in some elusive way, united with the other attendees. We began to sing Silent Night and Beatrix joined in, as one of us. United. Her little voice... so strong and so pure was Christmas magic to this mama's heart. 

Yes, we all have a  bright, shining light within us. Sometimes its buried so deeply in our own darkness we can only fathom what its strenth must be. But, what a wonder it is to catch a glimmer. 

week of Thanksgiving in photos

On Thanksgiving Day, Beatrix led our family in the blessing before the meal. It went like this: 

We are thankful for our food.

For rest and home and all things good.

For wind and rain and sun above.

But most of all, for those we love.

So much can be said in so few words.

I'm very grateful for this simple, good life we are carving out for ourselves. 

::Photos::

1. Tuesday evening lantern walk.  2. the opening of a milkweed seedpod and her dirty, scratched up (well-used) hands.  3. leaves for our gratitude tree that she and I made.  4. our Thanksgiving Monarch.  5. Thanksgiving morning in the kitchen.  5. we tried to watch "the parade", but none of us were in to it.  6. pretty bird.  7. we ate on the porch. 8. us.  9. coffee with dessert. 10.  evening walk through the park.  11. first batch of laundry on the new clothesline. 

She was a chick.

I suppose I can't let Halloween go by undocumented on the blog. Oh, it was a good one, probably one of our best so far. Though, we've only have a few to compare it to. 

For awhile, Beatrix said she wanted to be ladybug. Then it was sunflower. About a week before Halloween she declared with some finality in her tone that no, neither of those would do. She was going to be a chick. A yellow chick. 

Okey dokie. I was in the weeds with school and other life busyness stuff and doubted when I'd have time to make a chick costume. I was secretely wishing we could by-pass the whole Halloween ordeal. It's my least favorite holiday, afterall. Ah...what does that say about me?? That I'm stodgy and no fun at all!!! Eh...

I finally got the chance to think about her costume the day before Halloween. It took an afternoon to sew it up. And she was so happy about it. She stayed with me in the sewing room to help me the entire time. In the weeks prior to Halloween, she'd been reminding me "Mama, you haven't been sewing anything lately. Maybe you can start working on my costume?" I love how her mind works. That Mama makes my costume. That girl, she has a simple life. As quick and savy as she seems to me at times, her world is quite protected and so very safe. 

We trick or treated on Main Street with good friends and their little ones. Big, old houses, decorated in spiderwebs and pumpkins. Beatrix walked ahead of us, with such confidence and independence. She didn't need to hold my hand. I didn't even have to walk up the sidewalks with her. For the most part, Byron and I enjoyed visiting with our friends and watching over her from a distance.

We walked home just as the sun was setting and she was sound asleep by her usual bedtime. And that was Halloween 2012. 

 

Dear Friends,

Happy Holidays to you and yours. I find myself so entirely grateful for the many, many blessings that this year has bestowed upon my family and myself.

Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog. It's been a pleasure to document our days here for the past three plus years. It feels good to share and grow with you all. 

Wishing each and every one of you much peace, grace, love, and joy throughout this season and into the new year. 

Love,

Nichole

a cold front is blowing through

Last night and this morning we received nearly an inch of rain. (YES!!)  And now the north wind is blowing in. I can feel the draft of cold air coming in through these old windows as the gusty wind rattles them. I love days like today. I love wearing layers. I love the laziness that cold weather induces. I love hunkering down. In our parts, it feels so playful, because of course, it's not that cold and it rarely stays blustery for more than a few days. So, it's fun to have these days to pretend what a long, cold winter must feel like! Brrr....

The last of our family left earlier today. We had a wonderful week celebrating Thanksgiving with them. Byron and I were busy in the kitchen. He was in charge of the turkey, squash, and green beans. I baked the rolls, pies, cookies, and macaroni and cheese. Beatrix made the butter! I must say, it was all delicious. We spent the evenings visiting and chatting with our parents, my brother, and my sister in law in the living room and snacking on left over turkey and pies. It's so nice to visit with family. Byron and I love hosting everyone here, at home. The more we live here, the more we discover just how wonderfully homey and inviting this house really is. I think everyone felt really comfortable and at ease this week as we all came together here. We want so much to have a rich tradition of gathering. I wish our moments with family weren't so few and far between. But, I think I've grown to depend upon them and appreciate them all the more because of the distance. 

And of course, I just love the deep relationship Bea has with our extended family. Even though she doesn't see them very often - they are her people and she loves them so dearly. We are all so blessed to be a part of this little one's life. She is such a force of love and light! 

I feel so grateful ~ for another year of good health, love, work, and family. 

Spring!

Pardon the tardiness of our Easter recap. Small issues in computer land had us off-line for over a week.  

In the weeks leading up to Easter, Bea asked me each morning, "Easter is coming today Mommy?" More than any other holiday thus far, she has really enjoyed the preparations and celebrations of Easter. Maybe it was all the books we read at home and at school. Tales about bunnies and eggs, chicks and duckies. Or the sweet little songs like, "John the Rabbit" and "Bunny Foo Foo" or growing wheat grass in straw Easter baskets and watching it grow tall and lovely in a matter of no time.  

I'm pretty sure it was all of this and more.

Nests, birdies, eggs, chickens, their eggs, gardens, seeds, life, growth, wildflowers, bees, bunnies, Mr. Sunshine...

What's not to like about the arrival of spring and the powerful sense of renewal and hope and life and love that this time of the year offers up to us. 

Such good stuff indeed.

There's so much I want to remember about this season, this year.