Live Free

This Makes Sense

"We may not have wings or leaves, but we humans do have words.  Language is our gift and responsibility. I've come to think of writing as an act of reciprocity with the living land.  Words to remember old stories, words to tell new ones, stories that bring science and spirit back together to nurture our becoming people made of corn."  

I've slowly and deliciously made my way through a book of essays by Robin Wall Kimmerer, entitled Braiding Sweetgrass. I'm struggling with words to convey how meaningful her writing felt to me.  It is so beautiful and poignant and it put words to a language that my soul speaks but which I have such difficulty expressing. My book is earmarked in numerous places of passages that struck me as true and beautiful. I especially appreciated the one above as I've been pondering how to continue to write. Sometimes I feel so scared to write - of not having anything to say - of feeling so rusty and inarticulate that these written words do nothing to communicate all that is inside. Alas, fear is paralyzing, and I want to be done with it. So, as many times as I've said it before, I'll say it once more -  that my intention is to show up here. 

These last few months of uprooting and rerooting ourselves have been all sorts of exciting, confusing, blissful, and heart-wrenching.  However, little by little, day by day, our days here make sense.  I feel so much more grounded now that we are settled into our home.  Last week as I was trimming an invasive vine out of our meadow, I felt so much contentment tending the land, and doing my small part to show my gratitude for all the beauty and life Mother Earth gives.  This morning, as I raked ruts out of our driveway (a huge storm washed through us yesterday), I felt purpose caring for our homestead created by other's hands and hearts.  I feel incredibly honored to have inherited this place and I want to be a good steward to it. When I'm on the porch, mixing up herbal concoctions, or reading in the hammock, I feel peace. I think to myself, this makes sense.  This is the life I've longed for.  This is the way I've dreamed of spending my days. I am home.  

 

 

 

Glory Days of Spring

 

While Beatrix was outside playing this afternoon, I thought I'd take the time to upload photos to flickr and maybe find enough patience to sit at the computer long enough to chime into this place. Hello!! 

Well, it's spring time in Texas. My favorite time in Texas. Wildflowers are my thing in case you haven't noticed. I love the fields of flowers, the gorgeous light, the evolution of the blooms as the season warms. Mmm..everything is beginning and lovely and inspiring to me at this time of the year. 

My yard, oh my gosh, is kind of (almost) what my dreams are made of right now.  There are areas where I'd like the blooms to be mixed up more but instead they clustered in bundles of individual types. And maybe my backyard is donning just a little too much red and blue right now. A little more yellow, pink, and white sure would be perfection. But otherwise, it's somewhere between a wild meadow and overgrown cottage garden out there and I couldn't be more pleased considering what we started with a few years ago when we moved here. 

Today was 90 degrees. Ouch. It's suppose to cool off for the remainder of the week, but still, as a clicked the AC on this afternoon, I was reminded of the inevitable. Summer will be here soon. I'm hoping we can squeeze out six more weeks or so of spring-like weather.  In the front yard, we brewed sun tea and I'm started a solar calendula infusion as I am beginning to make soap and balms again. Actually, my blog name references a little soap company I had years ago, before Bea was born. Our brand was called Democracie Goods and our motto was Live Free,  Die Clean.  Once we adopted Bea, I stopped making soap and opened up a preschool instead. Now that a window has opened, Bea is older and she's beyond the scary combination of young child + lye, I'm dipping my toes back into that world. I lost all of my recipes, so I'm basically starting from scratch. I've even had a couple of botched batches.

There's a new tiny farmer's market just starting up a few blocks from our house. It happens on Thursdays from 3:00-6:00. Bea and I are thinking it might be fun to set up shop there once we get some inventory built up.  Maybe we could sell mini wildflower bouquets, or hand dyed silks, or soap, or whatever veggies we have growing, postcards, or balms and salves. You know, just to add a little extra purpose to our days. It's fun to dream! 

Also, before I close, I thought I'd list a few of some much enjoyed reads that she and I have had over the last couple of months. 

Beatrix's interests:

The Big Katie Morag Storybook

Katie Morag, Of Course

Rabbit Hill

The Pony Scouts (series)

Benny and Penny (series)

Album of Horses

Heidi

Nichole's Interest:

How To Be A Wildflower

To Kill A Mockingbird

Go Set a Watchman

Our Endless Numbered Days

Coyote's Guide to Connecting with Nature

The Edible Garden

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spark Joy

I'm feeling girlie and maybe a little young and hopeful and giddy about the return of sun. So, excuse me for a moment while I take myself not too seriously and just ramble about clothes! 

I've always enjoyed fashion. As a young girl, I remember having quite particular taste. Certain items stand out in my mind: When I was 8 years old, I remember loving my red high-top chucks and bright yellow jeans. I've always loved overalls and had various pairs growing up. Then there are the vivid and fond memories of my railroad stripe bell bottoms, a lady bug vest, white daisy dukes with the botanical type butterfly print, peasant dresses and combat boots.... Oh yes, getting dressed was always a fun form of self expression.  This continued on into womanhood. About a decade or so ago, I fell hard for vintage-inspired dresses and skirts. Stopping and browsing through Anthropologie after a tiring day of teaching was music to my soul. I just loved meandering through, touching everything, fondling fabrics, enjoying the scents of their fancy candles burning. Once or twice a year, I even splurged on a pretty dress or two from there.  

And then I became a mother.

At which point, lack of time and budget collided to create the perfect storm of what is bound to be  remembered as an utterly styless era of my time. When I became a mother, my love of clothing took the backseat at least when it came to dressing me. Bea has had her share of adorable items during this time and honestly, it felt like a dream for the chance to dress my little girl. Little girls don't stay little for long and I always knew my time dressing her was limited. So I let myself have a good bit of fun. I have no regrets!! Yet over the past five years my clothes have become outdated, threadbare, stretched, faded, and just sloppy. 

Well, over the past year or so, I've been slowly trying to change this by choosing items that fit my lifestyle. I want my wardrobe to be durable and comfortable. It needs to be washable. I can't be bothered with dry clean items. I also still want my updated wardrobe to be pretty and femine. I love natural fibers most and will rarely budge into the synthetic realm.  I'm not a trendy person. I want to choose items that will look lovely today and well into the future. I have no interest in keeping up with fashion forecast. In short, I am looking for well-cut items that will help to make me feel beautiful and like myself -- not just another dishelved mom! I want to pay attention to me again!  I know what I like and if I commit to not settling for cheap Target t-shirts or the equivalent and instead invest in fewer classic pieces, I can create a simple, consise wardrobe that will serve me whether I'm roadtripping across the west, tending to the garden, tidying up the home, or going out to dinner with the family. 

My little on-going fashion dialogue that I've had with myself this past year finally reached a new level of clarity this past weekend when after reading a fun chapter on clothing in Marie Kondo's The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Understand, I do not have a large wardrobe. I have never needed or wanted a walk-in closet.  Even so, after reading her chapter on clothing, I was inspired to declutter my closet even more! I went through my stash of t-shirts, tank tops, tights, and socks and within minutes had two garbage bags collected of things that did not spark joy. That's a lot of stuff that I had no business  holding on to. The next day I dropped the two bags off at the thrift store and I have had no regrets! 

I can start fresh, slowly building a wardrobe that is representative and purposeful to my lifestyle. Also, my joy is sparked as I fall asleep in a bedroom that is sparse and not overflowing with unloved clothes stuffed away behind doors and drawers and baskets. 

One of my all time favorite quotes is "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined," by Henry Thoreau. 

Sometimes, we have to plod away in that direction by cleaning out our socks and t-shirt drawers. 

Here's to finding my way back to me (and therefore my dreams) in 2015. 

I was coming here to post about the recent happenings in our parts: purging of clutter, a new washer and dryer, the arrival of Autumn here in Texas, mama trotting on a horse and feeling ridiculously happy about those five or so seconds, the anticipation for the lovely Thanksgiving week ahead. All that good stuff.  

I feel the need to emphasize: it's golden and gorgeous out there right. 

And then I downloaded some photos to IPhoto and somehow moved my mouse which took me to my archives from a couple of years back at this time, when Bea was just 3 years old. And now, I'm struck with nostalgia wondering how, just how, it all goes by so fast and missing the days when I could scoop her up so easily into my arms. 

This past week was trying. After a nice long run of loveliness, we hit a wall, and it all came crumbling down. Now, I'm in the place where I am constantly reminding myself to dig up enough patience and deep breaths. And that when little ones push us away the hardest, that's when we need to return to them with the most love and empathy. If only I could be the kind of mother that remembers that simple advice as often I need to.  

Oh well, we can't beat ourselves up about what is or isn't. We must accept these challenges as the natural flow of growth. This too shall pass. I can't let it bring me too far down. Autumn is knocking on my front door and is begging to play. I'm not one to say no to such requests.  

Hope you all have a lovely week. 

XO,

Nichole

 

 

 

the shift

The shift is upon us. The one that carries us from the glory, hazy daze of summer to the beginnings of a vibrant new school year. As if flipping the calendar page to August last week wasn't enough of a gentle nudge, I am finding (with giddiness and anticipation) that the light does not lie. Its glow is becoming warmer by the day. 

We've had a really good summer ride. So good. 

Just in the last couple of weeks...

The young one got swimming underwater. She's there. And now as if the flood gates have opened, there is an explosion of sorts into other little things she's long been on the cusp of. 

I've been staying up way too late geeking out on youtube and Clickinmoms as I attempt to learn more about the in's and out's of photography beyong, shutter speed, aperture, and ISO. 

Field trips are being planned and organized. 

New classroom materials suitable for kindergartners (my baby and her little friends are going to be kinders this year!!) are being created and laminated. 

School supplies are stacking up into pretty little piles of all things fresh and bright.

Backyard improvements are almost a reality. So close. 

Summertime to-do list are satisfyingly  and nearly all checked off. 

Fall camping trip plans are making there way into conversations at dinner time. 

Daydreams of crisp air, wood smoke, autumn gatherings, fields of goldenrod and gulf mulhy seed blooms tumble through my days. I can not fend them off. 

Cute conversations of a maybe baby at some point in our upcoming school year. Will we blessed during the autumn, winter, or spring? Any season will do!  

Is August a month of transition for you? In what ways are your days shifting?

XO,

Nichole

 

 

 

Postcards from Summer ~ Sunday, the 29th of June

Thoughts on Sunday night:

~  I finished sewing covers for a few throw pillows for the porch glider. I'm enjoying the adult seating space on     the screen porch now that school is not in session. It's looking like I'll be good and spoiled come late August when it's time to turn our home back into a schoolhouse. C'est la vie. 

~  Beatrix and a couple of her buddies harvested three ears of corn the other day. For dinner last night we had corn on the cob with our BLT's (and we picniced on the screen porch, of course). We might get to harvest a few more ears of corn soon. And that is how my garden rolls around here. There is something worthy to say about modern times and the luxury that is the grocery store. At the rate that we grow real, substantial, consumable food, it is as if I only pretend to garden - it's like my playtime. "Let's pretend to plant seeds, and water, and grow some food."  Which, now that I think about it, could not be a more correct statement when describing my gardening habits. C'est la vie.   

~   With the combination of not so boiling hot temps and the long days, we've been able to squeeze in nature walks after dinner. It's always so nice to get outside and listen to the quietness of the evening. I never, ever regret getting into the car, driving out to the woods, and walking. 

~   Alicia's post about cooking, reminded me to pull Apples for Jam off of my bookshelf. What an anchingly lovely read beyond being a great cookbook. I remember pouring through this one before I was a mother. Before we had adopted Beatrix.  Several years later, as much as the words meant to me then, they resonate with me even more deeply now.  This cookbook is about family, community, childhood, wonder, tender moments, growth, home, and everything wholesome and true and good in between. 

~   No matter how much gratitude I muster up about little and big things in life, I've come to the conclusion that there is a pocket of sadness and grief that always lingers in my being.  Sometimes, I can tuck it away neatly. And then there are many moments where I can only allow its presence and be with it. There is no will great enough to make it disappear.  It's an important part of who I am. It's the warp that helps to weave my story.

                                                          But gosh, it stings like a bee at times.  

~   Tonight, I had the sweet pleasure of hanging out with my mama friends at the park. They are such good bunch of women.  I'm so grateful for their friendship and support.  Upon pulling out of the park, I spotted a mama deer and her fawn sitting so peacefully in the orchard.   I veered over to the side of the road to take a picture with my camera, and of course, the mama deer stood up cautiously looking me over.   A few seconds later, her and her baby dashed off with the sun setting behind them.  It was just a brief, beautiful, ordinary, yet magic moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

all in a day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It rained today. Nearly an inch which is nothing short of miraculous considering the time of year. After some splashing outside we came in for some indoor play and work. Bea and I had our special time. 15 minutes of me doing whatever the hell she wants me to do. Usually, it's just yell and scream around the house.  Today, it was tickling and more tickling.  After that, I vacummed and mopped the floor. Bea played in her bedroom for a little bit then migrated to the screen porch. Lately, she doesn't go outside to play without an adult. Which is a very odd new thing...There was lunch and then stories. And after that, I cleaned (get this) the bottom kitchen cabinets. This job was a big item on my summer to do list, so I am really happy to scratch it off. If the cabinets get cleaned once a year, I'm pleased. I think some had not been cleaned since we moved in nearly three years ago.  Now, to feel really proud, I need to commit to cleaning the top portions. Thank goodness my kitchen is small! I don't know how I would keep up a bigger house. 

Besides all the house cleaning I accomplished today, lavender blooms were picked and brought in. I'm so proud to say that out of my 30 something lavender plants, many are blooming this year!! Hooray! The dream is coming true. 

There is so much work to be done over the summer.  It's always a struggle for me to put aside the many things I'd like to accomplish and just go with the flow.  Play. Hang out. Do nothing. Sit on the porch. Sip ice tea. 

family home day

It being a holiday, we woke early on this Monday morning thrilled to have an extra family day to enjoy together. 

The day began with coffee for me and some read aloud for her.  The morning was sunny and lovely, so out the door I went, to poke around in my front yard. The grass and sidewalk was damp, which was a welcome sight. We can use every bit of moisture that comes our way.  The giant rudebekias are having a nice time blooming. Some sunflowers are just beginning to unfurl. Soon we will be surrounded by their bright, happy, summertime faces. I crossed over the street to the meadow to check on life over there -- to see what new wildflowers were blooming, or if I could spot a bunny or two munching on greens, or a possibly a deer. No bunnies or deer spotted, but we did see plenty of cardinals, mockingbirds, and a bluejay. Also, there are still lots of flowers blooming. 

Later in the morning, we visited friends with the intention of having a picnic outside. (Un)fortunately (rain trumps everything around here) a humongous, gigantic, storm opened up soon after we arrived. The kids made blanket forts in the barn while the storm sat right on top of us. Oh my goodness, Texas thunderstorms can't be beat. With the downpour and all, the picnic ended up happening at the kitchen table which was just as nice.  Adults got to visit and kiddos ate/played contently.  What more is there to want in life? 

We came home after lunch and the rain continued. We spent a luxurious afternoon inside with a little quiet time, some more reading, and then some Jenga playing.  Soup for snack and a cup or two of tea. A divine way to live, in my book. By late afternoon, the rain came to an end. I cleaned up/restocked/updated the classroom on the porch, Bea got filthy playing in the mud, and Byron toodled around in the shed. 

Now, it's nighttime. I need to take a bath and then curl up into bed. 

 

longtime sun

It's been an intense 5 + months.  Emotions and energy have been spread thin. I think about this space daily, but I have been unable to find the inspiration to write about the many small moments of love and light that carry us through our days.

I am hopeful. Summer is a coming. Life is settling back down. I'm drinking lots of water and trying to remember to breathe deeply. So, I have that going for me. And seriously. I (we) have a lot going for us. Everything is going to be okay. 

We all go through prickly, rough patches. Thank goodness. It sure does make the wildflower meadows all the more full of an otherworldly beauty.  

For the past few weeks, Bea and I have adored singing this celtic blessing: 

May the longtime sun shine upon you.

All love surround you.

And the pure light within you guide your way on. 

Guide your way on. 

 

Morning time, a home full of the aroma of percolating coffee, the sunshine pouring down onto the kitchen table. I liken it to being under the perfect combination of a heavy quilt and wool blanket in January. 

This was school picture day and she was my early morning location scout assistant. Hello morning sunshine, dewy grass, and sparkly five year old. I think I love you. 

Last month, a dear friend gifted us a lovely set of pray flags. I love to watch them blow in the wind and I can imagine all the prayers, hopes, and good intentions flowing out into the world. They are a constant reminder for me to pause and breathe. 

This week, we dyed play silks with Kool-Aid.  Very fun and easy.  The colors were stunning! 

Remember the chicks we hatched in February? Here they are, all grown up. They should start laying in a month or so!  I'm thrilled. Our four older girls are up on in age (4 years old) and have really slowed down in egg production.  And yes, that's my beehive! I brough our nuc of bees home last Friday. I think everything is going okay in there.  When I hived them, I was expecting the queen to be in the frames with the others, but she was in a cage.  It took a couple of days and some research but I finally got her out of her cage last Monday. I checked on them yesterday and was happy to see some bee larva.  We'll see. 

On Fridays we drive into the big city.  Lately we've been thoroughly enjoying the nature center there. Thankfully, the weather is still mostly quite pleasant. What a treat it is to spend hours outdoors, hopping from stone to stone or dangling toes and feet in flowing water. Actually, today we were chased out of the water by a six foot water snake!! Eek! Yikes! The snake's appearance did help to curate the easiest transition Bea has ever made! She made a beeline for her sandals and the exit. 

On the way to and from Austin today, we listened to Sarah, Plain and Tall,  Skylark, and some of Caleb's Story.  We were both hooked and really enjoyed the books! Beautiful imagery and writing. I'd never read any of Patricia MacLachlan's work and was swept away into the lives of Anna and Caleb and their life on the prairie. When we got home, Bea finished listening to Caleb's Story while Byron and I spent some time catching up on the day's events. 

It's dewberry season in our parts. These last 8 photos were taken at a preserve near our house. I love this place so much. It's part prairie, part orchard, part wilderness, part fresh flowing springs. And it's all parts quiet, peaceful, and enchanting! 

And that, my friends, is some of what's been happening in our world.  

xo,

Nichole

Hey there! I'm sitting here in the kitchen typing a bit before I call it a night and zone out to some Larkrise to Candleford.  Today was a make-up school day from an ice day last month. Turns out, there's more ice on the way tonight and tomorrow morning. So who knows, we might have to cancel again tomorrow! What crazy weather it's been this year.  Spring really does want to be here!  See that henbit in the top photo? It's everywhere right now (though looking wilted and tricked by the artic snap). I was browsing through my archives of photos from past March's a little while ago.  Two years ago, at this time the poppies were blooming. Mine are bushy but showing absolutely no signs of blooming yet.  And how can they? This morning was 19 degrees! Oh, but Saturday was 80 degrees! All of my perennials that were just feeling courageous enough to send out tender green leaves are zapped again. Poor things! It's looking like a slow start to spring around these parts. 

I hauled my computer out to the kitchen again this afternoon (it's the warmish spot of the house).  And with these frigid days, I'm back to enjoying an afternoon cup of chai. One can't really complain about chai in the afternoon. It's the equivalent of ice coffee in July. Sometimes you gotta work with what you have.  And if it's icicles in March, then chai it is.  

The chicks are a week old today. It's there second Monday!  And I must say, they have the best seat in our house. They get to hang out in the bathroom with a space heater on all day. Everytime I go in there to potty, I open the door and a wave of warm air hits me and I then I think I could just snuggle up right there with them and a good book all day.  Maybe I'll try that tomorrow and see how long I can go before anyone misses me.  

Oh, and the picture of me!  You know, I'm not in the habit of taking selfies or posting pictures of myself. But Bea took this one of me the other day and I just thought it was kind of interesting. A deviation from the awkward mama in front of the camera  who is pretending to look natural and comfortable sort. 

So there you have it, another Monday post. Is this a new habit for me?

How was your Monday? What's your world looking like these days? 

xo,

Nichole